


Phone a freind

by Ohgingersnap



Series: S&M ( Sam and morals) [6]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Adult Baby Dean Winchester, Age Play, Age Play Caregiver Castiel (Supernatural), Age Play Little Dean Winchester, Alternate Universe - BDSM, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Attempt at Humor, BAMF Castiel (Supernatural), BDSM, Bad BDSM Etiquette, Bobby Singer Deals With Idjits, Bobby Singer Feels, Bobby Singer to the Rescue, Bobby singer needs a nap, Communication, Cute, Cute Dean Winchester, Cute Kids, Daddy Kink, Dark, Dialogue Heavy, Emotional, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Emotionally Repressed, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Hurt Sam Winchester, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Masochist Sam Winchester, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Necrophilia, Non-Linear Narrative, Non-Sexual Age Play, POV Sam Winchester, Parental Bobby Singer, Physical Abuse, Poor Sam Winchester, Possessive Lucifer, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Bobby Singer, Sam Winchester Needs a Hug, Sam Winchester Needs to Use Actual Words, Sibling Love, Talking, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Threats of Violence, Unhealthy Relationships, Unhealthy Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:08:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25125202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ohgingersnap/pseuds/Ohgingersnap
Summary: "Sam sadist or not abuse is abuse, no means no, and if you are afraid then you shouldn't have to push yourself to stay in a relationship that scares you."--------------"Sam. Do not and I repeat do not speak to Lucifer EVER again. He is very dangerous, even more so than you would think given his category."-----------------“Sam! Oh my god what happened to you?!”Tears welled in my eyes, lips trembling as I fell against the shorter male, allowing my aching and bruised body to be supported as I trembled.“Woah woah Sam, Sam Baby what the fu-”“I'm so sorry Gab, God I’m so so sorry.”------
Relationships: Bobby Singer & Sam Winchester, Castiel & Sam Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Gabriel/Sam Winchester, Lucifer/Sam Winchester
Series: S&M ( Sam and morals) [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1672324
Comments: 10
Kudos: 41





	1. Ring Ring

**Author's Note:**

> This is part one of a four part chapter!  
> Heed the warnings please!  
> After this section we only have the epilogue and then we are done!  
> Who's excited ?
> 
> Also all mistakes are my own as always, and the next update should be sometime this week! <3

_Previously-_

_The words, though spoken like the truth, caused the room to feel ten degrees cooler as we both knew that it wasn't. Neither of us commented on the fact though, instead we only felt peaceful, quiet, not ignorant of the fact or at all ignoring what chaos just passed, but instead settling with the idea and falling into a silence of agreement. Yes I was lying, but hopefully soon I wouldn't be._

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_Now-_

_Two days later_

_October 7th_

“I’m only doin this because I care Sam, you know that right?”

My sweaty hand runs along the loose seams of the hot leather seat underneath me, the sweat from my palm hopping off and collecting onto the material like raindrops on a window pane.

“Course Bobby.”

“Then how come you haven't looked at me the entire drive? And don't you dare lie to me boy! I’m done with all the damn excuses and last time I swear I almost had a damn heart attack when-”

“I’m Scared Bobby.”

Said man immediately stopped talking, and instead gripped the steering wheel with enough pressure to indent the well worn material.

“I’m afraid that-” I take in a shaky breath, “That Dean will see me and be angry with me and refuse to speak to me that Cas will-that he won't forgive me for how I have treated them these past couple months and-”

The car came to a sudden stop; we had arrived at our destination.

“Sam. look at me when I say this please.”

I grudgingly met the warm toned eyes of the older male, “Nothin, and I mean nothin Sam, could ever make Dean truly hate you-” I open my mouth to argue but Bobby’s hand silences me. “No Sam, just listen for once will ya?”

I fall silent and the other male smiles in the form of a thank you. “Dean for better or for worse, is your brother, Sam, and yeah sometimes you guys can get into some really nasty fights but..at the end of the day Dean is always gonna have your back.” Bobby shifted his weight around so that he was facing me fully. “Now is Dean gonna be upset that you didn’t tell him what all was going on sooner? Hell yeah he is, And I bet once he comes out of that small space he will want to have your big stupid head on a platter.”

I sigh, “That doesn't really make me feel any better Bobby.” Bobby patted my arm roughly, “Point is Sam, that while Dean may get upset at you, he could never stay that way. Alright? So stop worrying so damn much, that's supposed to be my job.”

Despite myself I chuckled, watching Bobby as he looked, from my tired eyes to over my shoulder. “Well looks like this sweet and tender moment is over.”

I turned my head around just in time to see Dean tottle out of the front door and stumble quickly down the steps, Cas was nowhere in sight.

“You better get to him before he kills himself.” One final pat to the shoulder then a shove to the door, “Now get the hell outta my truck.”

I snort and roll my eyes, my calloused hand already making a move toward the door handle, “Our truck, remember Bobby?”

I moved just in time for Bobby to whack the spot I was just sitting in, I grinned at him all wide and toothy like a lab, before sticking my tongue out at the man;because I was a respectable adult. “HA! Too slow Bobby, what's wrong? You getting lazy old man?”

Before Bobby could reply Castiel come running out of the house, black hair a mess of waves, his hands up to his elbows were covered in flour, his eyes were frantic and the apron that decorated his waist was half off, the red strings that tie it together were trailing behind him like two little cat tails.

“DEAN!” He wailed as he hastily made his way over to Dean’s side and picked up the fussy toddler, doing a quick assessment of his body before sighing and tucking the younger blonde's locks under his chin. “Oh, Dean. What did we say about running out the front door without Daddy?” 

Dean looked down with green eyes full of tears, his bottom lip was stuck out further than his upper lip as his hands clenched at the loose red fabric of the apron. “Not to. M’sorry Daddy.”

“It’s okay Bee, you just need to be more careful for now on ok? What if there was a bad man outside?” Dean sniffles at that but before the tears could fall Cas was quick to place a dozen kisses all over his blushing face; he clearly was forgiven.

I smile softly and grab my bag from the floorboard, making sure to send Bobby a quick wave before shutting the truck door and breaking up the heart melting moment between the two across from me. Dean’s head shot up at the sound and once his green eyes met my own hazel ones, he squirmed In Cas’s hold, “DADDY DOWN! DOWN DADDY! Bad Daddy DOWN!”

I snorted at the look on Cas’s face as he gently set the youngster down onto the sidewalk, his lips were drawn back into a mock smile and his eyes squinted in a way that said he only looked annoyed but was actually very fond; if the soft look in his eyes was anything to go by.

The sound of Bobby’s truck pulling away was only background noise as my eyes narrowed in on Dean’s fast approaching frame, I dropped my bags onto the ground, kneeling so that I was at a better height to hug Dean, Cas seemed to appreciate this as he huffed out a laugh and watched Dean collide with me, like lighting striking the ground.

“Oof” I huffed out as Dee's body tackled mine to the ground, the thud of my back hitting pavement echoed in my ears as Dean blabbered on excitedly and I tried desperately to keep up with he's fast paced squeaks. Cas finally seemed to take pity on me and walked over to us with a refund pep in his step; **jerk.**

“Ok Dean sweetie, I think we should get off of Sam and-”

“NO! Don wanna get off sammy.” My heart stuttered in my chest, and Cas’s eyes widened, Bobby no doubt talked to him about everything and without a warning Cas grabbed Dean off of me and started to carry the screaming and very distraught overgrown toddler inside the house, leaving me lying on the ground bags scattered around me and lungs coming up my throat.

**Breath. Just breathe dammit, it was just Dean, It was just Dean,it wasnt-It was just Dean, Baby brother Dee.**

“Hey Sam.” I jumped up from my lying position, eyes wide and alert as I stared up at a calm Cas. He was used to this, no doubt because of Dean. He looked at me with soft eyes and the body posture of a vet approaching an injured bunny. "It's ok Sam, it's me Castiel." 

_"That's it, you're ok Sam. It's just me, it's just Bobby. You're safe."_

I blinked back tears to see Cas holding out his hand for me to take. 

"Dean is waiting very patiently inside for big brother Sam to come say goodnight to him before he has to go down for a nap." His voice was soft and soothing, slowly pulling me out of the tide that I was starting to drown in.

**Dean. Castiel. Nap. Waiting. Dee.**

"There you go Sam, come on Dee's waiting for you." 

**And just like that the rubberband reshaped.**

I hopped up quickly from my crouched position on the ground, causing Cas to take a step back and eye me cautiously.

"What are you gonna stare at me like that all day or are we going to go see Dee?" My tone was teasing but on the inside I was shaking.

Cas must have noticed but he did not comment on it and instead led me, shaky legs and all, into the house. 

As soon as we stepped into the house, Dean's fuzzy head shut up from the couch, smiling wide and toothy behind his bee themed pacifier. "Sim!" He wiggled around on the couch watching me set down my bags with wide happy eyes. Cas walked over to him and ruffled his hair causing the younger to groan and swat at his hands. "Dadi stawp" 

"Daddy Cas says that it's almost nap time for a certain little one." Dean gasped at my word's paci almost falling out of his month before clamping his teeth back down onto it. "You nap Sim?" 

Cas laughed as I acted overly shocked, "Me?" 

"Mhmm."

"No, I don't think so Dee, I think the little boy Cassie was talking about was you."

Cas's head twitched at the nickname, but made no remark as Dean tried to talk his way out of a nap. 

**Ok, note to self Cas does not like being called Cassie.**

I interrupted Baby Dee's and Cas’s argument; if it even could be called that, by running across the room at medium speed and making roaring sounds. Dee as expected, squealed and jumped down from his nest of pillows.

"I'm gonna get you, Rawrrrr!"

"Ah!" Dean squealed and giggled weaving in between furniture and ducking under doorways. "Noo. Haha MONSTER SIM GONNA GET ME DADDY!" 

"THAT'S RIGHT. RAWRRRRR." 

Dean swerved around the kitchen and I waited crouched down for him to pass me, Cas covered his face with his hand so that he didn't laugh and give me away. I smiled as a silent thank you.

As soon as Dean crossed my path however I jumped out from my little hiding nook and threw him up into my arms. "RAAAAA!" 

Dee squealed and giggled body contorting in an attempt to flee, I was just about to tickle him when Cas stepped in.

"OK. Ok guys that's enough. I think it's time for someone to take a nap." 

Dean whipped his head around to face me, his bee pacifier brushing my nose and said with a cheeky little grin, "Night Night Sim." 

I couldn't help it. I laughed and shook my head causing my long auburn locks to smack Dean in the face, who only cooed in reply. 

"Now Dean, don't try to push nap time onto Sam. Come on Bee, let's go. If you come now Daddy will read you a story." 

That Seemed to get Dean's attention "Ducky Book?" 

Cas reached out and gently took Dean from my arms and cradled him against his chest." Of course baby bee, I'll happily read you Ducky book."

I watched with tight posture as Cas walked away with Dean. As soon as they were out of my sight I let my muscles relax, back bending, shoulders hunching, smile whipping from my face and my so carefully guarded facade crumbling as I fell from shaky legs and down onto my overly bruised and aching knees. I forced myself to take deep breaths and focus on my own shallow breathing instead of my rocky thoughts.

_“Oh Sammy, Sam, Sam, Sam.”_

**NO.**

_“Sammy, baby, come here NOW.”_

**NO, NO, STOP IT.**

_“Oh Sammy, you know I just love it when you scream like that for me.”_

“ENOUGH!” my voice echoed off the perfect white walls, my breathing was coming in quick pants and my hands were shaking so bad they looked to be vibrating. The sound of a spoon stirring, and sloshing liquid made me tilt my head up in annoyance, but once I saw that it was Castiel and that he was making his way over to me with the drink, my gaze lightened and face smoothed out its previously rough expression. 

“Here, Drink this it is said to help with PTSD.”

I bristled at the title, “That's not what I have. I don't have that.” Cas of course did not speak again and instead placed the cup of warm tea right in front of my now crossed legs, before setting down carefully onto the hardwood himself.

“I don’t have PTSD Cas.” I tried again, but of course Cas still made no further comment agreeing with or denying my statement. He just sat patiently across from me, his ankles crossed in a rather uncomfortable looking pose and stared at me with eyes that seemed to know more than they should. 

“Drink up Sam, we have a lot to talk about and I rather you be calm when we do.” I rolled my eyes in annoyance, but am silently grateful for Castiel’s persistence. I picked up the teacup with as much sass as I could manage without spilling a drop of the dark liquid, pinky out just to agitatie the male across from me before taking a giant noisy gulp of the floral smelling liquid.

**oh yeah that is flowers, just straight up flowers.**

“Eh.” I gagged slightly at the overwhelming taste of what must have been 5 different plants. “God that tastes like flowers.”

“It does, yes. It is chamomile, lavender and honey tea. Chamomile and lavender or known to help reduce stress and in some cases help with PTSD symptoms, the honey was just put in there for flavor.” Cas leaned toward me, his face only a few inches from my own, “I harvested the honey myself.”

“Righttt.” I said with wide eyes and carefully placed the small china down onto the wood flooring, “Do you have any bigger cups?”

Cas was now back into his own space and chuckled lightly " Why do you need a bigger cup Sam? You and I both know you won't actually drink that tea, you were only trying to be polite." 

**Ok, ouch.**

I cleared my throat and straightened my posture again to at least gain some kind of power in this situation. 

"What did you want to talk about Cas?"

His eye's said **you know** and I did, I was just afraid to admit it. When Cas realized I wasn't going to start the conversation, he did.

"Bobby mentioned to me that your" Cas squinted his blue orbs as he searched for the right word " attack." He settled on, " That it seemed to be brought on by this guy that you spend all your time with." Cas shrugged his shoulders "Well one of them, he did mention that sometimes you would come home cold and aloft or happy and high in the clouds." My face flushed, "I mentioned that it might just be mood swings." His eyes widened as he stared at me, clearly referring to my behavior so far today. "But he was convinced that It was two different men. Now." Cas stole the cup from me and proceeded to take a sip of the tea. " Don't ask me why he was convinced it was two men and not a man and a woman." Cas ignored my mortified face and instead placed the small tea cup back down beside me.

"Sam." My heart hammered, pulse quickening as I slowly lifted my head to stare into Castiel’s all perceiving eyes. "Just because you are a masochist." I flinched at the word. "Doesn't mean that you have to be abused." I scuffed but Cas only pushed on. "Sam every person in this world deserves to feel loved and appreciated regardless of their category or gender or sexuailty." Cas threw his hands up in the air in exasperation.

"Sam sadist or not abuse is abuse, no means no, and if you are afraid then you shouldn't have to push yourself to stay in a relationship that scares you." 

The passion radiating from Castiel made my teary eyed, " He won't let me leave Cas." My words came out wobbly and tear tainted. My throat was constricting around the words almost like it was afraid to speak and the consequences it would bring. 

I clutched my hands in my lap, eyes downcast as the words; though painful to escape from the tight grip of my throat just wouldn't stop spewing out like an overflowing tea kettle.

"He'll kill me if I leave Cas, he- he'll take my carcass and fuck it even after I'm dead, he'll keep it around and dress it up all pretty like I was still there, be-because he doesn't need me not really- just needs my body" my knees draw Into my chest and I grip at the bruises like they are my anchor. "But he does? He says he loves me and-" I let out a rough exhale, my hand coming up to rub over my month as tears escaped from my eyes and ran over my hand and down my neck.

"He says that I am the only one and that I was always meant to be his, that I was built for him, that we were made for each other. But- but then right after he back hands me and slams my head into the wall hard enough for me to see the stars and-"

**In and out.**

**In and out.**

**Just breathe.**

"Half the time I don't get aftercare he- he will decide if I have behaved well enough for it and even if I have, he won't because he is in a bad mood. Sometimes he will take me when I'm not ready even screaming no- he likes my tears, says they look beautiful I- its like" I growled into my knees head rubbing against the bruises. "I'm losing my damn mind Cas." I finally looked back up at him and what I saw broke my already tattered heart. 

"Sam." Cas's eyes were bloodshot and tears were streaming freely down his face, he looked so devastated and broken, chest angry and red, hands gripping bruises into his legs as he stared at me with so much emotion that it was hard to comprehend it all.

"What's his name Sam? Please tell me his name and I will personally make sure that he is escorted into the gates of hell." 

"No, no Cas I can't. " my hands come up to tug roughly at my hair as my mind starts spinning with the morbid possibilities and what could happen if I try to end it again. "Last time I tried to end things with him he-" a trembling finger reached over and traced the deep white scars that laid across both wrists. Castiel’s eyes tracked the movement and his own breathing sped up to meet mine as he understood just what the other man had made me do. 

"Sam please" It was a beg, a plea, a last chance for redemption. “Sam no one can help you if you don't let us at latest try to.”

_"Sam, if you ever need to talk about somethin you know you can come to me can't cha?"_

_-_

_"Of course Cas, I owed you one anyway."_

_I say softly, bloody fingernails picking at the hole on my right sock._

_"You don't owe me anything Sam."_

_-_

_"No one can help ya- I can't help ya if you don't just- tell me what you're thinkin every once in a while."_

_I shake my knee in agitation, Bobby drops his hand._

_"You have people who care for ya Sam, and who don't give a flyin monkeys ass what category you were placed in."_

_I didn't respond._

_"This journey you're about to go on, is gonna get a hell of a lot harder Samual. Don't cha want people in your court when things start to get ugly?"_

_-_

_"Sonofabitch! Sam! Sam! Hey! Sam it's ok, hey, hey, you're alright it's Bobby Sam. Uncle Bobby. You're ok and you're safe Johns not here, no one's here but me and you alright? Just me and you Sam. Safe. You're safe."_

_-_

_"Sam, Dean is just worried for you- Hell we all are, and...quite frankly Dean's feelings are hurt because for YEARS you refused to tell him your category. When-"_

_-_

_"I just wanna know why my brother, my own flesh and blood didn't trust me enough to tell me what was wrong with him."_

_-_

_"Careful Bee."_

_Cas says just as Dean collides into my now kneeling form, head burrowing into lines of plaid as little hands pat my back gently._

_"It's ok Sammy, it's ok."_

_-_

_"Ya sure you don't want me here with ya? This kind of thing can be pretty difficult by yourself Sam."_

**No more. No more being afraid, No more hiding. I can trust them, they will help me...they are family.**

I took a lungful of air into aching lungs before whispering the one name I wish I never learned in the first place.

“Lucifer.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Leave a message after the beep.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam has flashbacks (Surprise there) about the rest of the conversation he had between himself and Castiel. 
> 
> While Castiel takes care of baby Dee.
> 
> Sweet moments between the three inspire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a short little section for you guys, that brings in more of that calm before the storm.
> 
> Enjoy the fluff guys <3

_ Previously- _

**No more. No more being afraid, No more hiding. I can trust them, they will help me...they are family.**

I took a lungful of air into aching lungs before whispering the one name I wish I never learned in the first place.

_ “Lucifer.” _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ Now- _

_ The next day _

_ October 8th _

"Good Job Dee." Cas cooed as Baby Dean fisted the pastel blue blanket underneath him as he wiggled his hips and scooted up the blanket causing it to shift and scrunch up as he shimmied his way to a rainbow caterpillar by Cas's leg.

Dee grunted in reply, babbling incoherent sentences as he drooled and grabbed at the caterpillar, Cas; who seemed to recognize the lessening patience of his baby, finally handed Dean the colorful toy. 

Dee squealed in delight as he rolled over onto his back and babbled happily to the little bug, before chomping on it's head. 

I chuckled softly from my position on the coach as Cas quickly took the stuffed creature out of Deans mouth, and instead replaced it with his pacifier. This seemed to please the baby as he stopped crying as soon as the clear rubber met his teeth.

**In a way it is very strange seeing Dean this young.**

I watched Cas tickle Dean, they both had matching smiles on their faces.

**But it honestly just makes since. Dean misses the childhood he never had, causing him to revert back to the missed events and stages.**

I looked from the cute pair on the floor and down to my scarred wrists.

**And I become so used to the pain from my childhood, that it just become a part of who I am.**

I traced the outline of the still angry red slashes as my mind wondered back to yesterday's conversation.

_ Yesterday _

_ Castiel's whole body froze, almost like he suddenly turned into a giant block of ice. The only sign that he was still alive and in fact not ice, was that his right fist would clench then unclench, like he was a robot trying desperately to reboot.  _

_ “-I’m Sorry Sam.” Blue eyes blink through a haze of emotion, “Did you Say... Lucifer?" My flinch at the name seems to give Castiel all the answers that he needed, for he immediately stands up and starts pacing anxiously back and forth. _

_ "Cas?" _

_ He doesn't even bother to look at me as he spits out another question, throwing me even further through a loop.  _

_ "Who is the other guy Sam?" _

_ “What?” My heart was pounding in my chest like a bull raging against his cage. _

_ “WHAT is the other guy's name Sam?” _

_ “Oh um-hahha-” I laughed out of nervous habit, sweat starting to collect on my palms as I watched the black haired man spin practically in circles. “ Gab-” I clear my throat, Castiel's clear eyes now dead set on me, like a laser. “Gabriel.” _

_ The crash was sudden and startling, My lungs coming up as bile in my throat as I stared at the yellow mushy splat on the once pristine white wall; Cas threw a damn Banana against it. _

_ “Cas?”  _

_ Said man finally looked at me, eyes softening on impact, posture shifting to calm once again as he saw how shaken I was by his sudden rage display. _

_ “I’m so sorry Sam, I lost my head for a second there.” _

_ I only nod in reply eyes wide, and back ramrod straight, prepared to flight if need be. _

_ “I am very sorry Sam, I just-” Cas shook his head, “Well I can't say I was entirely surprised, I mean Gabriel has been in a much better mood these past few months and-” _

_ My eyebrows furrowed in confusion as Cas rambled on. He must have sensed my confusion because he finally said what he was going on about in clearer words. _

_ "Lucifer" Cas' voice breaks slightly, he clears his throat, like saying his name burned his throat as well. "Lucifer is my brother Sam." _

_ The feeling of being dunked into freezing ice water washed over me. _

_ "Well so is Gabriel but- Gabriel is annoying and harmless, like a Nat, drawn to the fruit but will never actually eat it.” _

_ “And-” _

_ Cas stares at me with such sorrow dripping from his eyes, that I felt like I was taken into the pools and drowned. _

_ “Lucifer is persistent and dangerous, like a venomous spider, taunting his prey by spinning it around in its web over and over and over again.”  _

_ I was shaking now, tears practically blurring and blending into my skin as I choked out a surprisingly coherent sentence. _

_ “Like a black widow?” _

_ Cas clicked his tongue. _

_ “Like a wandering spider, said to be one of the most poisonous spiders in the world.” _

  
  


I was pulled briefly from my thoughts when Dean started screaming at the top of his lungs. My head shot up, causing my shaggy hair to hit my face as I did so, "What's wrong with him?" 

Cas surprisingly laughed at my concern, scooping Dean up in his arms and rocking him softly, cooing down at him.

"Nothing is wrong with him Sam, he's just a baby, and babies get fussy." 

"Right...sorry" 

Cas waved me off in a playful manner as he sang softly to Dean, causing the once fussy baby to calm slightly. 

Once I knew that Dean was okay, I let my mind wander off again.

_ "Sam. Do not and I repeat do not speak to Lucifer EVER again. He is very dangerous, even more so than you would think given his category." _

_ I didn’t even have time to reply if I wanted to; or could considering my tongue now felt like led and throat like mercury.  _

_ "When was the last time you saw him?" _

_ “Uh- Three- three days ago, Cas-” _

_ The older male sighed, “Two days before your attack.” _

_ Cas sighs again, face flushed as jittery hands run down his face, he goes to walk down the hallway when I yell out, "Cas?!" My voice was boarding hysteric as I desperately tried to process all the information I was just given. _

_ "I'll be back Sam, I promise.” His voice was gentle and comforting, but he held his body like he was about to go into war. “I need to go call the local jail about a missing prisoner." _

_ "Jail?!!!" I wailed out, breath escaping me like a was punched through the chest by a rhino, leaving a large gaping hole were my beating heart and functioning organs should be. _

  
  


"SAM." 

I jumped up from my seat, hazy eyes now looking down at a worried Castiel and an angry red faced Dean.

"I thought you said he was fine!" 

I watched troubled, as Dean threw his body around in Cas's grip, screaming and contorting himself like a possessed child. 

"He is. He is just hungry, will you hold him for a second so that I can make him a bottle?"

"Oh, um. Yeah sure, uh-what do I?-" 

"Just sit back down on the coach and I will place him in your lap."

"Ok, ok, yeah" 

I sink back down into the cushions slowly as I watch, nervous, as Cas carefully places baby Dee in my lap. At the change of position, Dean goes silent for a moment teary green eyes opening and staring up at me.

"That's it Dee, you're okay hunny bee, just gonna give you to big brother Sam for a second." Dee, almost like he registers Cas's words, looks back up at me with a small little smile and makes grabby hands toward my face.

"Hold his head Sam, no-like this-there you go. Support his head and just hold him, i'll be Right back ." Cas pats Dean's tummy lightly before leaving to go to the kitchen.

Dean for what's it's worth, doesn't start crying again, instead he seems quite interested in pulling at the longer strands of my hair and giggling quietly. 

I didn't dare move or stop him, in fear that he would start crying again. So I just let him pull at my hair and babble softly, my arm that wasn't supporting his neck comes to rub soft circles into his back, my eyes going glossy as I watch Dean play.

**He is just so damn cute like this.**

"Ok Sam, I'm back." The words were whispered, almost as if he was afraid of popping our little bubble we created in his absence.

I didn't even bother to look away from Dean, as Cas slowly lifted him from my arms and shushed him gently before propping his head up and feeding him the bottle, which Dee greedily sucked.

"Cas?" 

Said man looked up at me quickly before looking back down at Dean.

" Yes Sam?"

My eyes were trained on Dean as I spoke,

" I'm worried that he will come for me." 

**I'm worried for Dean.**

Cas faltered slightly, no doubt hearing the double meaning in my words, before slowly pulling the bottle away from Dean, and laying his head against his shoulder, patting him firmly on the back as he replied.

"There is no need to worry Sam, they have Lucifer on his way back to the Institute. You're safe." Cas hugged Dean a little tighter to his chest, before pressing a kiss to the burping babies forehead.

**It's ok, we are all safe.**

Neither of us made another comment on the subject, as we both fell into a comfortable silence as we watched Dean start to drift off into a hopefully peaceful sleep.

**I could have died, by the hands of the wandering spider. But I survived, I escaped with all my limbs intact, scars and burns disregarded for now.**

**My gut says that I was the only one who got to walk away, and for that I am truly greatful.**

**I survived the great wandering spider.**

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Isn't Baby Dee the cutest?
> 
> Also yes! The cat is finally out of the bag, I tried my hardest to keep that a secret from Sam! I think it worked pretty well! Poor Sam though, involved with two of Castiels brothers, oh boy.


	3. RING RING RING

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chapter of flashbacks that help fill in some of the blanks. 
> 
> "When you told me you wanted to meet up to hang out, this honestly was not what I had in mind."  
> The look on the shorter ones face practically spelled trouble.  
> "Oh yeah? You never envisioned handling each other's balls on the first date?"  
> \----------------------------------------------------------------  
> “I DON'T HAVE ANY SECRETS! I-you know I would never keep anything from you lucifer.”.  
> The banging finally stops and I inhale.  
> “You really mean that Sammy?” The voice.  
> That damn voice.  
> \------------------  
> “Sam? What was tha-”  
> “Now really isn't a good time Cas.”  
> \--------------------------------  
> I greeted my teeth before regretfully opening my mouth and letting what I have been wanting to say for months now spill out of my mouth, loud, reckless and very tactless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I'm alive (Kind of.)  
> I don't need to tell you guys that this year has been shit but OH BOY (Insert Mickey impression here.)  
> This year has really kicked my ass, but I'm back and will finally be finishing this entire series. :) 
> 
> This chapter like all chapters in Sam's series are graphic and contain violence, abuse and other triggering things. Proceed with caution. 
> 
> There is only one more chapter after this then this whole series will be done, and honestly what a relief that will be to me. I have really struggled with motivation for this story. 
> 
> But don't worry! I plan to finish strong and hard, well er, you know what I mean XD 
> 
> Not beta read as per usual with my works. 
> 
> Anyway enough rambling, enough the chapter <3

_ Previously- _

**I could have died, by the hands of the wandering spider. But I survived, I escaped with all my limbs intact, scars and burns disregarded for now.**

**My gut says that I was the only one who got to walk away, and for that I am truly grateful.**

**I survived the great wandering spider.**

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ Real time- _

_ A few days later _

_ October 12th _

_ Dean and Castiel's house _

  
  


_ Memory time- _

_ August 13th  _

_ A rundown arcade located next to a laundromat and a swirlys ice cream parlor. _

_ "When you told me you wanted to meet up to hang out, this honestly was not what I had in mind." _

_ The look on the shorter ones face practically spelled trouble. _

_ "Oh yeah? You never envisioned handling each other's balls on the first date?" He cooked an eyebrow at me while flashing a rather brilliant side smirk all while swirling the small rubber balls around in his palm. _

_ "Ok first off, those aren't actually your balls." I huffed out with a shake of my shaggy hair, presenting the small pair of balls in my own hand to him, like that was all that was needed to be said. _

_ "Oh come on Samsqaush, look me in the eye and tell me this isn't the most romantic date you've ever been on." _

_ I wanted _ to scuff out loud as I looked around the small and very run down arcade that we were currently standing in, the loud bangs of the arcade machine, the bings of the pinball, the neon glow that threatened a headache and the heavy smell of greasy pizza, all said everything but romantic.

But instead of saying any of that, I simply straightened my back pulling myself up to my full height before smirking down at the other.

"I can't." There was a quick poke to my lower arm that caused me to laugh and poke playfully back at the now irritated shorter male.

"Oh that's how it is, is it Samuel?"

"Yeah, it is."

Raised eyebrows meet furrowed ones, as our two smirks collide in a silent showdown.

"Fine then Sammy, how about you show me how well you handle your balls."

Gabriel gestured toward the glowing skeeball machine in front of us, smile soft but deceivingly innocent. 

"Oh you're on Gabriel." The sass with which I said his name caused the others smile to falter to a less falsely friendly one. As well as making the Older lady behind the counter grumble under her breath about homsexuals fucking in her shop again.

I was tempted to ask about the again part, but I did not have time to even entertain the idea as Gabriel pushed my lengthy body forward until my knees pressed uncomfortably against the edge of the machine.

"Go on Samantha, let's see if you can bet my high score."

My eyebrows rose at this, "You have a high score here?" I quickly scratched that thought when I remembered how friendly Gab seemed to be with the grumpy older woman behind the counter; maybe he was the reason for her earlier mumbling.

"Don't- " I held my hand out to press over Gabriel's lips. "Don't answer that of course you do." 

I don't know what I expected Gabriel to do to my hand, but for some reason licking it did not gross my mind.

I immediately recoiled from the younger, grimacing down at the slick shine on my palm.

"Gross Gabriel that's disgusting!"

_ September 16th _

_ Hell (Lucifers apartment) _

_ “Sammmy!” the other taunted in a sickly sweet voice, causing my heart to almost beat out of my chest and making my ears ring eerily. My palms were collecting sweat and I swear I could taste the soap that once coated my tongue reslather it all over again. Suffocating, hyperventilating and damn near passing out as there was a loud thump on the door that separated me from the monster I so carelessly tied myself too, all those weeks ago. _

_ “Now Sammy, hiding in the bathroom! What are we sweetheart 12 hmm.”  _

**_Thump,_ **

**_Thump_ **

**_Thump._ **

**** _ “Are you a little Sammy? Hmm? Is that your big secret that you are hiding from Daddy lucifer?” Vomit very quickly escalated up the tunnel of my throat completely skipping the stairs. “Do you need Daddy to give you a BIG-”  _

**_Crash._ **

_ The door shudders and creaks. “Ole hug and wipe away all your tears Sammy boy?” _

_ There was another crash and I didn’t know how to respond; I didn’t know if I could. _

_ “ANSWER ME!” _

_ I Almost lurched to my feet at the sudden volume of his words, hands trembling as I gripped the sink I was smushed against, my long gangly limbs bouncing with the anxiety that was singing in my veins _

_ “I DON'T HAVE ANY SECRETS! I-you know I would never keep anything from you lucifer.”. _

_ The banging finally stops and I inhale. _

_ “You really mean that Sammy?” The voice. _

**_That damn voice._ **

_ I gulp, “Yes sir, I-I would never Lie to you.” _

_ It was silent for one Beat, two, three, four beats of my nervous heart. _

_ “That is so sweet of you to say Sammy.” There was a pause. “I believe you.” _

_ I don't think I have ever exhaled as harshly as I did just in that moment, but that didn't matter because as soon as I did, I just as quickly inhaled again. _

_ “Too bad you are lying to me Samual.” Then just like that the bathroom door was blown down like it was hit with enough force to rival a nuke. There was dust gathering in the air and burrowing it’s way into my eyes causing them to sting and water as I wheezed and looked up at the intruder, splinters gracing my fingers and parts of my cheekbone causing the afflicted areas to burn. _

_ I gulped and tried to scramble back as the man before me took slow even steps into the bathroom. “No-” I coughed, legs scrambling and heart racing as I damn near clawed the tiles off the floor trying to get away. “No, No please-” My choked pleas were cut off when Lucifer walked into the bathroom, the lights flickering in terrifying harmony with his inclosing steps, shining and buzzing in a way that made his eyes look like the bright red of fresh spilled blood. _

_ A hand reached out to rip me from my tight inclosed hiding space, I screamed, kicking and swinging my fists with all my might. _

_ “NO, NO PLEASE,NO,NO FUCK, GET BACK, GET-GET AWAY!” The man I was yelling at only huffed in annoyance as he dodged only a few of my violent advances, his nails digging deep enough to swell bloody beads from my arms, dragging and yanking my flailing body around until he was finally able to slam me down to the wood covered floor and out of what I thought was an invincible hiding spot. _

_ I panted, what little breath I was getting was wheezing its way out of my esophagus like a train racing its way down an old rickety wooden track.  _

_ I was forced up onto my knees, his calloused hand gripping the back of my neck and ripping out the fine hairs that laid there once asleep. He yanked my head up hard enough to cause me to lose my balance but I didn’t tuple over instead my cranium was tilted far enough that I could look straight into the eyes of the devil. _

_ “I'm sorry.” I whimpered out, every ounce of my submissive body wanted to cower away and pluck my eyes straight from my head at the look the dominant man above me was giving.  _

_ “Oh.” The word was hushed, cooed almost as the man used his other hand; the one that had fingernails covered in my blood, to lightly brush back the hair that had entered my eyes as we fought just seconds ago. “You will be.” Then in a blink of an eye I was tugged forward to the bathtub, drug more like by the roots of my hair as Lucifer hastily turned the shower handle just a little to the left, on freezing cold water. _

_ I began thrashing more urgently this time around as I realized just exactly what he planned to do, I may have ripped half of my hair out but I was able to get free before the arms of satan trapped me yet again and slammed my back roughly against the edge of the wall and the shower tile, my back cracked and I screamed so hard that I could taste blood. A hand was Smacked over my mouth, a harsh growl vibrating in my ear as the male before me whispered very acidic words that crawled right past him and straight into my cerebrum. _

_ “Listen here you little shit, Sammy baby you are going to tell me just what it is exactly that you are hiding hmm.”  _

_ “I-” my head was slammed back into the flatter part of the wall, making my head spin and vision swim. _

_ “Ah ah, no more lies Sammy sweetheart ok?” _

_ I simply nodded my tongue heavy and filling like lead swimming in a pool of blood and teeth. _

_ “Good boy.” He gently stroked my face and despite myself I nuzzled into his palm. _

_ “Now Sam, you are going to tell me all your dirty little secrets, and everytime I even detect a lie, I will duck your pretty little head here underneath freezing cold water, Okay?” _

_ I barely had time to register his words before I was yanked forward with a “Okay then let's start shall we.” Then my head was dunked under water as cold as ice. _

September 2nd

Bobby house, more specifically my bedroom.

_ “Hello?” _

_ “Sam.” The voice on the other end sounds relieved. _

_ “Cas.” I sigh out as I sit down on the edge of my small rickety bed, the hand not occupying my phone reaches out blindly behind me to look for the bandages I swore I placed on the bed earlier. _

_ “Sam-” There was a short break before the man on the other end continued to speak with such pure, raw happiness in his voice that it made my stomach swoop uneasily. “It is so good to hear from you. I-I’ll admit I got really worried there for a while when you did not call or check in on dean but I-” Another pause followed by the sound of shuffling feet. “Well I am just glad you are ok Sam.” _

_ I bring up the end of the medical type up to my mouth and rip at it aggressively, successfully pulling a piece off. The rip sound must have put the other man off as he seemed to take a pause. _

_ “Sam? What was tha-” _

_ “Now really isn't a good time Cas.” _

_ There was complete silence from the other end while I laid my phone down;thrown more like, as I tapped the little speaker button before practically slapping the yellowing adhesive to the burned part of my arm; like it would really make much of a difference, even with the burn ointment I stole to put on it, it won't matter. _

_ It will just happen again. _

_ “Sam, what's wrong?” _

_ I ignore Castiel as I hastily grab more medical supplies from the rusty tin behind me. _

_ “What- What is that rattling noise? Sam, is something going on, are you ok?” _

  
  


_ “Listen Cas, Like I said now is really not a good time, I really need to get going.”  _

_ There was a pause. _

_ “Sam Dean misses you.” _

_ My hands halt their movements, fingers lightly grazing the peroxide. _

_ “Cas-” I cleared my throat lightly before turning on my bed and picking up the phone, clicking the button as I go, “I can't talk right now ok?” the words come out a little harsher then I mean them too. “And if Dean calls tell him that Sam-” My heart skips a beat and tongue falters on the word. “That- that big brother Sam is busy right now but as soon as he has time he will come to visit.” _

_ “Ok, but Sam-” _

**_Click._ **

  
  


September 18

Gabriels apartment

_ I knock on the door, hands shaking and lungs wheezing as I clunch heavily around my middle to try to stop some of the bleeding. The light in front of my eyes was irritating and mostly blinding, I could hear heavy footsteps approaching before Gabriel finally opened the door. _

_ Gabriels mouth is halfway open as the door gets pulled open, no doubt open and ready to make some sort of retort of sly comment but once he sees that it's me and then again the state that I'm in he pauses before hif whole facial expression breaks and shuts down. _

_ “Sam? Wha- Oh my god- what happened to you?” _

_ “Gab.” It was more of a sigh of relief than a reply, I went to take a step forward and practically fall into the other males open arms. “Oh my god Baby, what the hell happened to you?” Gabriel runs a soft hand over the matted and sweaty tendrils of my hair, before cursing slightly and leaning me to the left to get a better look over my shoulder before slowly guiding me into his apartment.  _

_ “Come on big guy.” The words are said with obvious strain as Gabriel is now supporting most of my weight and practically dragging me into his small open floor apartment. “Let’s get you all nice and comfortable on the couch.” I nod my head lazily as I try to keep my eyes open but it becomes harder and harder with the blood loss and sleepless nights. _

_ I feel my body being dumped onto Gab's springy and honestly very uncomfortable and tacky couch, but I don't have a protest in me because this couch is already ten times better than the floor I have been sleeping on for the last week. I feel my heavy limbs being moved here and dragged there, but when Gab pokes around the biggest wound on my stomach I find that I can't even feel his hand, but I can clearly see it poking around the gushing hole. _

_ That's not a good sign. _

_ “Sam, what the fuck happend to you?” I blink foggy lenses as I try to focus on Gabriels face. I open my mouth but my tongue feels heavy and filled with lead and spiked with titanium.  _

_ “I-I’m so sorry Gab.” This is clearly not what the other man expected me to say if his facial expression was saying anything.  _

_ Said man slowly reaches out and claps my hand in his, his thumb slowly strokes over my own. “You have nothing to be sorry for Sam, nothing at all, you hearing me?”  _

_ I hum softly and let me head flop down slightly and rest softly against the top of Gabriel's head. “But I do, I-I have so much to be sorry for. I-I tried to cut it off with him you know.” Gabriel's eyes go as wide as marbles at this before narrowing suddenly as the grip he has on my hand tightens slightly. “He did this to you?” _

_ I only muster up a hum in reply, but that seems to be enough for the shorter male as he used his free hand to reach up and tilt me head back to a slightly more comfortable angle before planting the sweetest of kisses onto the damp lines of my forehead, and all I could do was smile and hope that soon the flowers from that kiss will sprout. _

_ Gabriel then gently lays his head back against mine his eyes trying to look into my own glassy orbs, the hand that now rests gently in my hair runs down from my face like silky spider vibes as the legs of his fingers patter across my sunken cheekbones before finally deciding to stop and nest a home on the underside of my chin. The other man;my true lover, hovers his lips above mine as he wipers a promise upon them; like my lips were a well to speak wishes. _

_ “You and I are gonna fucking get through this ok? I promise this to you Samalama, we will get through the thick of this shit and come out on top healthy and happy ok?” He leaves light little eskimo kisses around the tip of my nose but I cant help but to chuckle slightly, the other mans whisky colored eyes look up at me in question. _

_ “That was almost romantic.”  _

_ Gabriel laughs as well, in a way that causes his eyes to shine and the corners to crinkle. _

_ “Just like our first date huh?” Gabriels goes to lightly nudge my shoulder when my entire abdominal area breaks out into roaring flames, I clench my teeth and suck in a deep breath from between the gaps. _

_ This action seems to break the sweet moment that was growing between us as gabriel now goes back to being concerned for my health. _

_ He looks back into my eyes as he asks, “What do I need to do? _

  
  


October 2nd

My bedroom with all the doors and windows boarded.

_ The line rang as my hand shook in a furious fashion. _

_ “Sammy baby.” The voice cooed, “Long time no see.” _

_ “Lucifer.” I greeted in a cold and neutral tone, which only caused the other to tsk. _

_ “Now now, Sammy, be careful there with your tone, that almost sounded as If you are not happy to speak to me.Which is funny considering you are the one called me, or did you already forget that silly boy?” _

_ I greeted my teeth before regretfully opening my mouth and letting what I have been wanting to say for months now spill out of my mouth, loud,reckless and very tactless. _

_ “IT'S OVER.” _

_ The line went eerily dead before the older male chuckled, “Good one there Sammy for a second I thought you were actually trying to call it off with me because that would be hilarious considering, well you know.. Your category.” _

_ My heart hammers painfully in my chest, “I was.” _

_ “Now, that's not funny Samual.” The once teasingly light tone off the other male was now dark and 50 shades of dangerous. _

_ God, my head was spinning and my heart was going about a hundred miles per hour and I swear I could taste last night's dinner come back up, but fuck did it feel good. _

_ “You know what will happen if you leave me don't you Sammy sweetie?” _

_ And that good feeling is gone. _

_ I didn't reply suddenly, feeling too sick to do so. _

_ “Yeah, there you go just let that sink in for a second Sammy, and rethink your choices ok?” _

_ That condescending tone was back and it has been slowly and rapidly grinding and boiling nad my nerves frying them up and serving them on fucking toast. I just couldn't stand it anymore, I just couldn't stand living like this anymore. Constantly living in pain, denial, fear, forever trapped in this tiny little cage forced to forever dance to the beat of Lucifer's Drum. _

_ I straightened my back, took a deep breath and summoned as much of that Winchester courage as I could before I said. “I’m not fucking scared of you anymore Lucifer.” _

_ There was a shuddering breath heard through the silence of the static on the other line before a faint growl and the bone chilling words of, “We’ll see about that Sammy baby.” _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one more chapter to go guys! 
> 
> EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEee 
> 
> Please let me know how you feel about everything so far in the comments. 
> 
> And as always comments and kudos are greatly appreciated <3 
> 
> Till next time.

**Author's Note:**

> As always comments and kudos give me motivation and let me know that you guys are enjoying my works.  
> Thank you so much for all of the support.  
> Till next time!


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